How do I lose weight properly? (TW: eating disorders)

2021.11.27 04:38 handcuffsanddick How do I lose weight properly? (TW: eating disorders)

Hi, TW to those who have struggled with/are struggling with eating disorders. This is going to be a bit long. F(21).
I have struggled with bulimia, binge eating, and atypical anorexia since I was around 10 or 11. My mom is very overweight and she always used to tell me to lose weight when I was younger (including my primary care doctor, I was about 5 to 10 pounds overweight).
I found out at 10 or 11 that I had PCOS and at around 18, I found out I had endometriosis and fibromyalgia (I know that some people think fibromyalgia only effects obese women, but I’ve always been in pain, even when I was small, nobody believed me tho). My mom would grab at anything remotely flabby and tell me to lose it. I started throwing up to make her happy. I once lost nearly 35 pounds in 45 days to make her stop (she didn’t, I was around 14).
Eventually, I stopped, once I was in therapy. But I’ve relapsed a few times. The most recent being this and last year. In 2020 and 2021, I lost about 60 pounds in 4 months (I was about 5 foot 4 and 250 pounds). My mom was very happy. I was throwing up so often that I ended up fainting multiple times. One resulted in a concussion where I hit my head against the bathtub. I then I tried to kill myself because of several things including the way look. I was put in a psych ward and I went from 192 to 224 over the past few months. My mom keeps commenting on my weight and telling me I look heavier than when I was in the hospital (which is true I gained about 30 pounds (was 192), I am now 224 down from 250). She knows I struggle with eating disorders.
I keep lying to her because I can’t take the constant commentary about my weight. I know I eat badly and have a lot of problems with food. I’m trying to slowly do better without triggering my eating disorders. It’s just not good enough for her. Anytime I eat out it’s always about the way she eats now (she’s on a new keto diet due to health reasons) and how I should be wanting to look good. Recently I told her how disgusting I feel about my body and how I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. She seemed to understand, especially when I brought up how therapy is helping me get past the disordered eating. But then I asked her if she would ever understand or if I would have to keep explaining it to her. She said something along the lines of she would have to be keep being told. Then, when I went to walk away, she changed her mind. She finally promised to stop. Thing is, she hasn’t. She still comments.
I get that it’s for my own good, but I can’t take it anymore. I hate myself so much and I just want to lose the weight, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I’m underweight anymore. Or if I’m throwing up. Or if I starve myself, I just want to be happy and my family to be happy. I didn’t mention, but I have PCOS, Fibromyalgia, a herniated disc in my lower spine, chronic migraines, and endometriosis so it can be very difficult to lose weight. I have had these issues since I was a child, even when I was skinny, just never diagnosed, except for the PCOS, migraines, and herniated disc. I try my best to do it in a healthy way, but it’s just never enough for her and I end up resorting to disordered eating.
My therapist suggests a nutritionist, but I’m afraid of what they will think. What if they are like my mother and will never be happy with the weight I’ve lost. I have had doctors like that. I think I’m just better off being dead because I’ll never be good enough for her. I know people are going to say I shouldn’t care about her feelings, but it’s not that easy. Even if I use my own money to buy food, she somehow thinks she has a say over what I get. I live with my parents, so really they get the final say unless I sneak it (which I often do), even if I earned the money myself. I earned alot of money from my father’s social security, which I am extremely great full for. Although I do earn some from baby sitting at the moment. I’m trying to cut down. I just feel like I’m not doing it quick enough.
I’m tired and I just want it to end. Every time I start calorie counting I always relapse because I get too into it and don’t know how to stop. I’m so close to relapsing again, I’m thinking of starting again tomorrow. I just want the comments to stop. I can’t stand the way I look and I don’t think any person will be attracted to me due to my weight.
I have tried so many diets and every one has resorted in disordered eating. For context, my mom has fibromyalgia, arthritis, lymphedema, lipedema, and a bunch of other issues. She’s afraid I will develop lymphedema and lipedema and so am I. That’s why she says she’s the way she is, although she was like that before she was diagnosed with Lymphedema and lipedema.
I’m getting a puppy soon and my elevator will be out for 3 months so I will have to carry him up and down 5 flights of stairs 2-3 times a day. I am hoping that will help me lose weight. I am a bit worried about damaging my knee further (I have a calcification in my knee plus an essential tremor that effects my legs). My knee doc told me not to go up and down stairs or hills with that knee, but there’s nothing I can do since we already put down a deposite. My neurologist told me that doing all that will help strengthen my legs to compensate for the essential tremor, but she doesn’t know about the calcification because I forgot to tell her. So idk what’s best anymore.
I don’t know why I’m posting here. I know the problem and how to fix it, I just feel like I’m doing it too slow. I know I shouldn’t care what my mom thinks and I try not to, but it’s just so frequent that I can’t help but listen. Have any of you experienced this? How did you handle it? Am I wrong to be focusing on my mental health rather than my weight rn?
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2021.11.27 04:38 Haydenjames28 How to anonymously ask a guy if I can pay him for sex?

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2021.11.27 04:38 dilpickle1222 How WWE Should’ve Booked WrestleMania 27

PRE SHOW:
Mark Henry def. Drew McIntyre
in McIntyre’s last chance at credibility for a while, he tries to take out the World’s Strongest Man, but Henry is having none of it and manhandles McIntyre in the first match of the event and eventually gives him the mercy kill by hitting the Worlds Strongest Slam and pinning him to get the win
Daniel Bryan def. William Regal
Regal makes it clear that his career is winding down and he wants his final match to be at WM. After Bryan loses the US Title, Regal sets his sights on the rookie to be his final opponent. Bryan denies the challenge, as he doesn’t want to end the career of the man who trained him. Regal attacks Bryan in retaliation and that fires him up enough to accept the challenge. They have a technical masterpiece at WM, where Regal shows that he’s still got it, but he’s way past his prime and Bryan uses what Regal taught him to slip into the LeBell Lock and make Regal tap out in his final match
MAIN SHOW:
The Miz def. John Morrison
Miz and Morrison enter the WWE Title picture at the same time but are both unsuccessful in winning the gold. Morrison gets a singles shot at the Title instead of Miz, which angers him and he ends up costing Morrison the match. Morrison finally sets his sights on his former partner in the match that has been very anticipated. Miz and Morrison have very personal promo battles leading up to WM and at the Show of Shows, Morrison comes out uncharacteristically aggressive, as Miz has pissed him off so much. Morrison is on offense for most of the match and even attacks Miz’s protege Alex Riley. Finally, Morrison builds momentum towards the Starship Pain, it looks like he’s going to hit it, but Riley pulls Miz out of the way and Miz quickly recovers, hits the Skull Crushing Finale, and pins Morrison to get the win over his former partner
Intercontinental Championship: Alberto Del Rio def. Dolph Ziggler (c), Kofi Kingston, and Jack Swagger
Kingston, Del Rio, and Swagger are all clambering for a shot at the IC Title and since Ziggler got on Teddy Long’s bad side, he lets all 4 men get a shot at the Title at WM. Ziggler fears for the safety of the his reign continuing as the hungry challengers seem ready to do anything the get through Title. Kingston is the fan favorite of the match and he looks to capture the IC Title for the first time, Swagger looks to finally rise the rankings, and Del Rio wants to achieve his so-called destiny. The 4 men go at it in a crazy match which sees Kingston flying onto the other men many times, Swagger pulling off impressive power moves, and in the closing sequence, Ziggler looks to have stolen the match from Kingston, but Del Rio comes from behind, throws him out, and pins Swagger to become the new IC Champ
United States Championship: Sheamus (c) def. Evan Bourne
after winning the US Title, Sheamus becomes an even bigger bully, taking challenges from smaller and even local talent, who he easily beats. Bourne takes issue with this and when Sheamus tries to attack him, Bourne takes the upper hand and embarrasses Sheamus. This makes him so mad that he’s willing to put his Title on the line at WM just to get his hands on Bourne. The two go at it in a fun match where Bourne repeatedly avoids attacks from Sheamus. Bourne dodges a knee from Sheamus, but he ends up hitting the ref. With the ref down, Sheamus takes advantage by hitting Bourne with a Brogue Kick to the nuts and then hits the High Cross. Sheamus covers Bourne as the ref recovers and retains his Title
Cody Rhodes def. Rey Mysterio
Mysterio and Rhodes faced off in a match in early 2011 where Mysterio broke Rhodes’ nose. After this Rhodes began calling himself undashing and wore a clear mask over his head after “reconstruction surgery”. Rhodes began attacking Mysterio as revenge in the lead up to WM and even hurt his knee. They would face off once again at WM in a back and forth battle where Rhodes tried to protect his face at all times. When it was looking like Mysterio was going to get the job done, Rhodes tears off his knee brace and hits him with it to assist him in hitting the Cross Rhodes and getting a big win at WM
The Undertaker def. Triple H
Taker returned to RAW almost a year after retiring HBK and gets interrupted by an also returning HHH. Without saying a word, they stare each other down and make it clear that they will fight at WM. HHH wants to avenge his best friend while Take plans to add yet another name to his WM resume. The two go at it in a brutal No Holds Barred match. HHH uses a steel chair to nearly paralyze Taker, so if he can’t stand, he plans to fight from the ground, where he locks HHH in the Hells Gate and makes him tap out to get the win and go 19-0 at WM
Tag Team Championships: Kane and Big Show def. The Nexus (c)
after both being targets of Nexus attacks, Kane and Show decide to reform their once dominant team to show the rookies a lesson. They tear through the other teams to earn a shot at the Tag Titles for WM. Nexus bring every member of their group to the ring for this one and a brawl breaks out before the match between the teams where Kane and Show take the upper hand. With just Gabriel and Slater to worry about, Kane and Show Double Chokeslam their way to another Tag Title victory and dethrone Nexus at WM
Womens Championship: Natalya def. Beth Phoenix (c)
after being passed up for a Title shot time after time, Natalya does the only thing she sees fit to get to the Champion, betray her. In a tag match, Natalya walks out on her Divas of Doom partner Phoenix and then assaults her after the match, showing a dark side to her. Natalya rants about being the dark horse of the Womens division and says turning on Phoenix was the only option for her to get to the top, but Phoenix doesn’t take it lightly and she plans to put a beating on her former partner. The match is made official and at WM, the two women go to war over the Womens Title. Phoenix is able to overpower Natalya, but when she damages her legs using the ring post, the tables turn and Phoenix begins having to fight off her back. This doesn’t work well for the champion and Natalya is able to lock in the Sharpshooter. Phoenix puts up a fight, but she has no where to go, but she refuses to tap out and she passes out in the hold, giving Natalya the win and making her the new Womens Champ
Randy Orton def. CM Punk
Punk quickly targets Orton after his return the the ring in late 2010. Punk says Orton has gotten away with too much for too long and that he is the hero that needs to stop him. He brings up names like Mr. Kennedy who Orton got fired just to make it more personal. Orton just wants to get his hands on Punk, but whenever he gets close, Punk weasels his way out. At WM, the two have a back and forth battle where Orton keeps trying to hit Punk with The Punt, but Punk rolls out of the ring to take a break. Eventually, Orton has enough of this and he chases after Punk on the outside and throws him back in where Punk gets the upper hand and goes for a springboard clothesline, but Orton counters with an RKO in mid air and pins him to get a satisfying win
WWE Championship: John Cena def. Wade Barrett (c)
after winning an Elimination Chamber match to earn the Title Shot, Cena looks to win the WWE Title back after losing it to Barrett at SummerSlam last year. Their heated rivalry comes to a head at the biggest show of the year. Barrett comes down to the ring without The Nexus and it looks like he doesn’t want help for this one, but as the match goes on, Barrett starts to struggle and Nexus members come down to ringside. Cena gets tired of Nexus trying to interfere, so he hits two members off the apron, and ducks an Elbow from Barrett, who accidentally hits another Nexus member and then turns around into an AA from Cena. He makes the cover and Cena once again becomes WWE Champ. Cena celebrates with the Title and looks like he’s going home happy but then, the lights go out… IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN! The Rock makes his grand return at WM and makes his way down to the ring as Cena looks on in awe. When Rock enters the ring, Cena goes to shake his hand, but Rock plants him with the Rock Bottom and poses over Cena
World Heavyweight Championship: Christian def. Edge (c)
the feud seemingly was over between these two when Edge beat Christian at SummerSlam and they went their separate ways, but Christian wasn’t done being a top tier talent. He changed his cheating ways and went on the win the 2011 Royal Rumble, earning a Title Shot for WM. He immediately picked Edge and the rematch was on for the main event. Edge comes into the match confident, but ready and Christian comes in determined and focused. The two have an absolute classic, trading finishing moves and near falls. Edge goes for the same finish as their SummerSlam match, but Christina has him scouted and turns a Spear attempt into the Killswitch and pins Edge to once again become World Champion. The two hug in the ring, finally ending their feud and it turns out this would be Edge’s final match
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